Everything you do and everything you say has a consequence. There is plenty of poetry, songs, and philosophical verses that have said the same thing only way better than I can and with more emphasis on the consequences part.
I read the Ceci Christy article at SwimSwam with great anticipation and by the fourth paragraph that anticipation soured into a severe disappointment.
Christy interviews Suzette Moran who at 16-years-of-age had an ongoing sexual relationship with her 33-year-old swim coach, Mitch Ivey, and as of today asserts that it was a consensual relationship and that Moran "...did know what she was doing... That she does not see herself as a victim... And never felt she should report their sexual relationship..."
Proverbial mouth drop and a face palm.
Snippets from SwimSwim:
But, Ms. Moran is adamant that she did know what she was doing. Seven months into the affair, she moved to Concord Pleasant Hill Swim Club where Mr. Ivey coached and continued their relationship. From the beginning, their affair was “fully consensual,” and she “never felt forced to do anything.
Ms. Moran holds herself completely accountable for her actions and does not see herself as a victim. She says she never felt she should report their sexual relationship.”But here is where the writer refuses to challenge her...
".... And, regardless of her maturity level and consent, Ms. Moran recognizes that a 33-year-old coach having sex with a 16-year-old swimmer is wrong and constitutes abuse.
"...Ms. Moran says it is disturbing to her that USA Swimming has not tried to contact her at any point over the years. “It is clear that they made no effort to locate me. ..."
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I am the guy that made the official complaint for Moran and others like her so they could get some justice served cold to their assailant, Coach Mitch Ivey. How do you think I feel that she did not come forward to report this abuse to the cops and feels that she had a consensual relationship with a predator with no regrets?
If you accept that Ms Moran never came forward to report this abuse to the police nor USA Swimming because she did not see herself as a victim, why does she state such consternation that USA Swimming never contacted her either?
Sex has consequences for the immature: Pregnancy, disease, and the emotional fallout for those not mature enough to deal with the break-ups or otherwise. Abused boys and girls have been known to commit suicide, indulge in drug abuse, alcoholism and other risky behaviors after being sexually abused.
Presuming she had a "consensual" relationship or believed she had a "consensual" relationship was something she should have kept it to herself. This bit of information does no victim any good whatsoever and signals that perhaps she needs to reexamine this relationship with a professional in the subject.
I don't like attacking victims...
I am on the side that USA Swimming management needs a reboot and people like Berkoff and Wielgus have got to go for this same non-reporting and non-action. Ms Moran's rhetoric, if it was reported accurately, summarily states and unintentionally hints that for some girls, like herself, what she did is okay due to her "special circumstance" and believe me it is not okay. Lots of young girls read that site, and many who have "crushes" on their coaches could get in trouble thinking that their crush too is due to a "special circumstance..."
At the very least she admits the relationship existed and this alone should get him banned we hope.
11 comments:
It is very common for minor female abuse victims and rape victims to blame themselves for their abuse. Sometimes it is easier to blame yourself before others condemn you. Ms Moran made an immature descision to engage in a relationship with a man in his 30's. Her parents and the swim world she lived in at the time looked the other way and clearly did not do the right thing in her interest. In her mind whether it was consensual or not, doesn't change the fact that an adult consented to sexual relations with a minor or many minors. She doesn't see herself as a victim ( because she is trying to move on from the past) but she was and is still a victim whether or not she sees herself as one. Clearly psychologically she hasn't processed this fully. She sees that others were victims of that man, but not herself. Whether or not she pursued him is irrelevant. This twisted individual took advantage. He was an adult, she was a child.
I don't see any benefit to analyzing Ms. Moran's statements on the subject--or even publicizing them or her. She has to make her own decisions on how she is going to go through life. I think I can understand why she does not look in the mirror and see a victim. That is her life and her decision.
But it doesn't effect the many reasons why Mitch Ivey should be barred from coaching minors and prosecuted for his actions.
Again, you are right, but I think her statements were destructive.
And, yes, he should be banned at the very least.
Kelley Davies Currin does not want to help victims any more than Suzette Moran. This is all becoming obvious and will all come out in the end.
Even if your cynical point of view was correct and I don't think it is... They have all ready helped victims by demonstrating it's safe to come forward.
The problem is that no matter what these woman say someone wants to criticize them.
I had a friend in high school who went out of her way to try and seduce older men. Her mother passed away in middle school and her father was gone days at a time. The things she would do was shocking. She would show up on construction sites, at their homes, at their places of employment. It repulsed me and others to watch her make out with a 50 year old man. On another occasion I sat in a living room while she was in the bedroom with a 30 year old man. I was 15 she was 16. I had never been kissed, she was having sex. While I didn't agree with her lifestyle, it was her choice and nobody was going to stop her.
Should these men have slept with her - NO.
Ms. Moran shouldn't be criticized for telling HER story.
Perhaps I did not make myself clear enough or perhaps I did and I am simply not understanding the criticism.
Criticizing a victim is in poor taste and I agree with Bill that I should have stayed on topic in that a witness came forward anf justice should be served.
I reiterate the post should have been about get justice for the victim and ousting Ivey from coaching with the scarlet letter "B" as in banned burned into his resume.
However, and to clarify, I found her rhetoric harmful to such girls that you mentioned in your post and others that are looking for a father-figure or a mother-figure thinking that they too can find it since they are "mature enough" like Ms Moran to go out and do it.
Moran's intentions are irrelevant. She was a minor engaged in a sexual relationship with a grown adult. The law is very clear on this.
Criticizing her, for whatever she says, is in essence shaming the victim. It is perfectly common and normal for these younger girls to feel "in love" with these men. But they are kids! They have no idea that these relationships are not love. Pay close enough attention, you notice predatory patterns.
This is why there are "laws," this is why adults are held to a different standard.
This should be a no brainer.
No, no, no. You all misunderstand. Tony is trying to take a stab at the Swim Swam site.
You all just can't recognize that, because the argument seems so ludicrous.
it seems that the writer at swim swam did a fine job and got the victim to say publicly on a reputable site and not through just a loaded press release from her attorney that Ivey had sex with her and several other underage swimmers. Seems like progress made to me. I bet we see the USA Swimming investigation pick up steam again now.
SwimSwam is a fine site and I know the owner. We have exchanged phone calls and I comment on the site from time to time.
Your premise is broken
Mitch Iveys relationships were well known. Back then there was no name put to it. We all just gossiped about it. I was around 14 at the time. As soon as they walked on deck the gossip started at a meet in Orange County. Every single coach knew as did every swimmer and a lot of parents that paid any attention ; albeit no one actually witnessed intimacy. Now we have the blame game in lawsuits. Strict rules need to be enforced and overseen by another entity. New game plan for 2018. Lawsuits that are happening now in swimming and sports in general, the work place.....are going after people using the new rules If that is to be the norm then everyone that knew should be named from the "of age swimmers" to the grandparents. Energy better spent on seeing the new and old guidelines are followed and that every report is investigated fairly. I say fairly but that is not possible. Once a person is named the damage is irreversible whether it is true or not. Very dangerous times we are in I think I was just 14 when we studied McCarthyism in school. Perfect parallel.
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