Friday, December 11, 2009

If I could, what would I give my favorite swimmers for Chanukah or Christmas!

When you are Italian and beautiful, charismatic and you wear Armani, what can you give somebody like Federica Pellegrini and Filippo Magnini who seemingly have it all?

Well, I say go American, as in American continent. To protect both of them from the paparazzi I have decided to give them each an Argentine Doggo for Christmas. The breed is primarily a Pitbull/Great Dane mix. They are loyal, gentle and they are very scary if you get on the business end of their mouth.

When our two swimmers walk down the sidewalk in their Armani suits in a bad neighborhood of Roma, they will both look great and be untouchable.

Laure Manaudou gets an $88,000 Mercedes to tote both her newborn and Federick Bousquet around in L.A. when they come visit me. Tickets to Disneyland in the glove compartment.

At first I was thinking of giving her a Benelli 10-gauge shotgun so as to... you know, grease the wheels a little bit into "convincing" Frederick Bousquet into getting married, but it was just too "hillbilly" of me. So the Mercedes it is.

For starters, Jason Lezak should have gotten a quarter-share of Michael Phelps one-million-dollar bonus for literally doing the impossible by securing Phelps an 8th gold medal in the 4x100 relay. It was the fastest relay sprint in history and he beat the fastest man in the world.

I choose a moon rock for Jason due to its potential investment grade value. The rock is obviously more precious than gold and it represents how exhilarating he accomplishment was.

This is probably been FINAs first year ever where the majority of swimmers on both sides of the suit argument would wish that they would go away.

FINA gets a lump of coal.


Anonymous said...

Why would someone cut the ears off that beautiful dog? The poor creature looks mutilated. I wince when I see this, because it's what the low-lifes who run dog-fighting rings do to their dogs.

Tony Austin said...

Well, when I was a "puppy" they cut something off me too!

Doggos were bred for hunting and the clipping of the ears was meant for protection when confronting wild boar.

Fillippo and Federica do not have to get the ears clipped, I will make sure I add that to the Christmas card! ;-)

nm said...

awesome! excellent post.

haha! word ver = ablenerv

Tony Austin said...

Thank you, I am flattered but I have a question even Wolfram|Alpha could not figure out

"ver = ablenerv"?